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Nov, 2015

Funny Baseball Stories and Quips

Baseball Anecdotes & Stories

A nice short account of something interesting and humorous related to the great game of baseball best defines the following section. Presented here are short stories from players, fans, reporters, and other people telling a true account of a baseball related incident.

"According to The Sporting News, over the last four years, Wade Boggs hit .800 with women in scoring position." - David Letterman
Baseball Anecdotes

True Stories From The Ballpark

Anecdotes Appear Alphabetically
After being snubbed from the All-Star game by Boston manager Darrell Johnson, Baltimore's Jim Palmer claimed he was misquoted for calling Johnson an idiot.
"I did not call Johnson an idiot. Someone else did and I just agreed," Palmer said.

An interviewer started to ask Yogi Berra about his two hits from the previous night when Berra corrected him and said he had three hits.

The interviewer apologized. "I checked the paper and the boxscore said you had two hits. The third must have been a typographical error."

"Hell, no," Berra replied. "It was clean single to left."

A reporter wanted to know where Alex Johnson's power surge came from. "Last year, you hit two homers and this year you have seven. What's the difference?"

"Five," Johnson replied.

A rookie sat next to his manager and watched Roger Maris gun down a runner trying to go from first to third.

"Kid, you won't see a throw like that again in a million years."

Three innings later, Maris duplicated the feat.

The rookie turned to the manager and said, "Time sure flies up here in the Majors."

Asked the age of his two elderly pinch-hitters - Vic Davalillo and Manny Mota - Los Angeles manager Tommy Lasorda shrugged.

"I don't know but somebody told me they were waiters at the last supper."

Before a series, St. Louis manager Frankie Frisch instructed his pitching staff to avoid throwing Brooklyn's Tony Cuccinello a fastball.

Dizzy Dean objected. "He can't hit my fastball."

He begged Frisch to let him throw Cuccinello a fastball. Frisch refused. Finally with the game in hand, he relented. Dean threw Cuccinello a fastball. Cuccinello hit it out of the park.

Dean turned to Frisch. "By gosh, Frankie. You were right for once."

Before the 1952 World Series, Brooklyn Dodgers' manager Charlie Dressen cornered pitcher Billy Loes.

"I see in the paper where you picked the Yankees to beat us in seven games. What's wrong with you," Dressen said.

"I was misquoted," Loes protested. "I picked them in six games."

Bob Gibson, known for his sarcastic wit, caught teammate Curt Flood off guard with a rare compliment as Gibson watched him take batting practice."Way to hit the ball, roomie. If I could hit the ball that way, I'd take off my toeplate and retire from pitching," Gibson said.

Flood smiled.

"In fact, roomie,'' Gibson continued, "If I hit the way you do, I think I'd also retire from baseball."

Casey Stengel sat in the dugout with Bob Cerv. Several moments passed before Stengel spoke. "Nobody knows this, but one of us has just been traded to Kansas City."

Del Ennis popped up with the bases loaded, sending manager Fred Hutchinson into a slow burn. After Ennis dropped his bat into the rack, Hutchinson fetched it.

He angrily took a swing at the concrete dugout steps. Nothing happened. Two more swings produced nothing more than dents in the bat.

Hutch calmly walked to where Ennis sat and dropped the bat at his feet.

"Keep it," he said. "It's got good wood."

Dick Allen launched a home run that cleared two-deck Connie Mack Stadium, impressing Pittsburgh's Willie Stargell.

"Now, I know why they boo Richie all the time. When he hits a home run, there's no souvenir."

"(Joe) DiMaggio seldom showed emotion. One day after striking out, he came into the dugout and kicked the ball bag. We (Jerry Coleman while playing with the Yankees) all went "ooooh". It really hurt. He sat down and the sweat popped out on his forehead and he clenched his fists without ever saying a word. Everybody wanted to howl, but he was a god. You don't laugh at gods."

Former manager Alvin Dark was asked to compare teams he managed over the years.

"With the A's we depended upon pitching and speed to win. With the Giants we depended upon pitching and power to win. With the Indians we depended upon an act of God."

"I'll (Phil Rizzuto) never forget September 6, 1950. I got a letter threatening me, Hank Bauer, Yogi Berra and Johnny Mize. It said if I showed up in uniform against the Red Sox I'd be shot. I turned the letter over to the FBI and told my manager Casey Stengel about it. You know what Casey did? He gave me a different uniform and gave mine to Billy Martin. Can you imagine that! Guess Casey thought it'd be better if Billy got shot."

Johnny Blanchard sat in the Yankees clubhouse crying after learning he had been traded to Kansas City. Concerned for his teammate, Mickey Mantle sat down and tried to console Blanchard.

"Don't take it so hard, John. Just think, in Kansas City you're going to get a chance to play."

"Hell, I can't play, Mick. That's why I'm crying."

Los Angeles third baseman Pedro Guerrero committed several hard-to-believe fielding errors during one game. This was during the same time that Dodgers' second baseman Steve Sax was undergoing his horrendous and well-publicized fielding slump in which he couldn't throw the most routine ball to first without trouble.

In the post-game meeting, Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda was at a loss with Guerrero. "What are you thinking out there," Lasorda asked.

"Two things," Guerrero said.

"What's the first thing?"

"God, don't let them hit the ball to me."

"And what's the other thing," Lasorda said.

"Don't let them hit the ball to (Steve) Sax."

On a windy day in San Francisco, third baseman Rocky Bridges called for a popup. He drifted past the shortstop, past the pitcher on the mound, past the second baseman. Finally, he was standing next to first baseman Vic Power as the ball fell four feet behind them.

The next day, the newspaper ran a string of song parodies, one targeting Bridges:

"A tisket, a tasket. I should have brought a basket."

Bridges awaited the writer in the clubhouse the following day. "Hey you, c'mon over here. I read what you wrote in the paper."

"And?"

"And it bothered me so much I couldn't sleep last night. I've got to ask you... How does the tune to that song go?"

On June 17, 1962, in a game between the Mets and the Cubs at the Polo Grounds,
"Marvelous" Marv Thronberry slammed a two-run triple. But while he was catching his breath on third base, Chicago firstbaseman Ernie Banks called for the ball and appealed that Marv had missed first base. The appeal was upheld and he was called out. Mets manager Casey Stengel ran out from the dugout to argue the call until umpire Dusty Boggess said, "Forget it Casey.He didn't touch second either!"

On July 15, 1973, the Angels' Nolan Ryan pitches his second career no-hitter (and his second of the season), a 6-0 shutout versus the Tigers in Detroit, with a major league record seventeen strikeouts in a no-hitter.

The "Ryan Express" was so on that day, Norm Cash came to the plate with two
outs in the ninth inning and resorts to using a piano leg to get a hit. Home plate
umpire Ron Luciano, nearly falling down laughing at this ruse, makes him use
a real bat. Cash flied out to left-field, ending the game.

Pedro Guerrero, while playing with St. Louis, had no problems with management's desire to put his less-than-stellar glove in left field.

"Isn't that a mistake," a reporter asked Guerrero.

"It's already a mistake if the ball's hit my way," he replied.

Phil Masi was catching one day when Al Javery faced the Giants. The first three hitters all ripped hits on Javery's first pitch. Casey Stengel popped out of the dugout for a conference on the mound.
"What kind of pitches has he been throwing," Stengel asked Masi.
"I dunno," Masi said. "I haven't caught one yet."
Pittsburgh infielder Gene Freese recalled a day when first baseman Dick Stuart, nicknamed Dr. Strangeglove, had a particularly trying day. Stuart had missed the first three grounders that came his way, but perfectly speared the fourth. However, in his haste to wave off the pitcher, he slung the ball down the right-field line.
"We'd have had the guy at third," Freese said, "But I was laughing too hard."
Pirates manager Danny Murtaugh couldn't resist a jab at Dick Stuart. After the public address announcer warned fans that "Anyone who interferes with the ball in play will be ejected from the ballpark," Murtaugh replied, "I hope Stuart doesn't think that means him."

Pitcher Bill Werle got Bill Nicholson to hit a high infield popup in front of the mound. As trained, he called for an infielder to make the play. "Eddie's got it! Eddie's got it!," he yelled.

Then, he watched the ball fall untouched as catcher Eddie Fitzgerald, first baseman Eddie Stevens and third baseman Eddie Bockman looked on.

Pitcher Don Sutton offered the best description to the Pirates' hitters of the 1970's, who were known as the Lumber Company.

"Some teams watch a pitcher and say, 'Oh boy, here comes a fastball.' Others say, 'Oh boy, here comes a curveball.' The Pirates say, 'Oh boy, here comes a baseball.'"

The Athletics pounded pitcher Bobo Newsom, taking an 8-0 lead in the fifth inning. Newsom entered his dugout and slammed his glove against the wall.

"What's eating you," a teammate asked.

"How the hell can a guy win when you don't give him any runs," Newsom answered.

Told to get a statement from the Giants' Dominican players after Generalissmo Trujillo was assassinated in the Dominican Republic, a reporter came back from the clubhouse and approached his editor.

"They said they didn't do it."

When Joe Pepitone first came to the Cubs, he told manager Leo Durocher he was fast enough to steal. So the first time Pepitone reached first, Durocher decided to test him. First base coach Peanuts Lowery flashed the sign to Pepitone - a wink. Pepitone didn't budge. So Lowery winked again. Still, Pepitone stood pat. Again, Lowery winked. This time, Pepitone responded. He blew Lowery a kiss.

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